Little Natalie - Prayers Requested

Natty's hand 12.21.09

Little Natalie Wilcut, my sister Michele's youngest daughter who is 4 years old, is in the PICU at CHOC (Children's Hospital of Orange County). She has been there since Saturday night. We know she has pneumonia, but are thinking there must be another viral or bacterial infection which has caused her so much trouble. She is currently on a ventilator which is giving her lungs a break at working on their own. It looks like she will be there at least through Christmas. Michele has great comfort and confidence in the doctors, nurses and other medical staff working on behalf on Natty.

Saturday the 19th of December, she became ill very quickly. Michele gave her a couple of breathing treatments during the day which didn't help much. Once her fever reached 103 and Michele could see that Natalie was struggling to catch her breath, Michele decided to take her in to Urgent Care. The doctor there decided she was too sick for their facility and sent her accross the parking lot to the ER. In the ER, she was intubated and had a few tests run. From there she was transported by ambulance to CHOC where she remains sedated, intubated, and hooked up to numerous monitors, with tubes going in various body parts and is undergoing continuous testing.

Yesterday, the 21st, Natalie was showing little signs of impovement. Some test results have come back negative, they are still waiting for more results to come in.

Michele has felt the power of the prayers being offered on their behalf. She is humbled and greateful for your love and support. She knows Natalie is receiving THE BEST care possible and that everyone there is working to get her better. Her spirits are good for the most part. She is comforted and feels our Heavenly Father's spirit with her and her family.

Thank you for those who have been praying and will now pray for little Natalies recovery and for your all of love, well wishes and concern.

I will post again as I am given any major changes.

hello...?

I will be blogging again soon... stay tuned.

Pioneer Day Fun

Chris - A great catch

Here are a few pictures from my mom, brother Tony, and Calee's visit from Cali. Ryan joined us on a couple of the days they were here. We had so much fun with them!

Karley on the giant water slide

Fireman's Foam!

Bobby & the fishin' gang!

Fishing on Logan River

Haley, Tony

Karley, Calee, Chandler

Bella, My Mommy

Danielle

Calee, Karley & Danielle

Tony, Ryan & Bobby waiting for dark and the amazing fireworks!

Look closely at the pic above, you'll see a stow-away.

After our family prayer before they left to go home, we all went outside to see them off. We couldn't find Snickers. She was in their car, hoping to catch a ride back with them! We were cracking up! It took a while to finally get her out. So funny! See, my mom brought her dog Bella, a chihuahua/poodle mix. She and Snickers are buds now and Bella gets to go on car rides and Snickers loves my mom so she must have decided she was going this time.

Still not wanting to get out.

And they're off...

I DID IT!!!

The hottie to my left is Calee, my brother Tony's wife. Bobby took this pic as we were passing my house early in the run.

On July 25th, 2009 I ran and finished my first 10K, with my adorable sister-in-law Calee by my side. I set a personal goal, a lofty one for me, once I had been running for a while, to run the 10K on the morning of our city's Pioneer Day celebration. I did it! It took me a long time and it wasn't fun, but I did it! Bobby, my mom, Tony and Haley were all there for us at the finish line and I could hardly hold back the tears as we approached the end.

I'm so excited that I stuck with training for it when I seriously didn't know at times if I could actually accomplish the task. For me, it's been so nice to run alone where I'm not worried about holding anyone back or carrying on a conversation. This has been so nice to just go with no interruptions. As I have been working towards this, I could tell I was making progress along the way when I no longer had to carry a water bottle to sip on every 1/4 mile; when I could talk a little when running with a partner and not die; not stop to catch my breath; and listen to soothing music rather than motivating, blaring music.

I challenge any and all who read this post to set a goal and go for it. Don't even think about quitting! I'm so much better for it, and if I can do it, you can too!

On to my next goal, a mini-tri next Spring...

A Fair Trade

(Pre-Post disclosure: I have decided to be a little more candid in my blog, hoping it doesn't backfire. I want to be a little more 'real life'. Not to flaunt my issues but to (a) document what's really going on and not candy-coat things for my own personal journaling, and to (b) share in the hopes that maybe sometime, someone, somewhere will gain from my honesty.)

This is the lowest dose I was ever taking of this 'wonder' drug. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been taking this since Bobby was just about recovered from his back surgery and we were waiting for his retirement to go through. It helped me and my family tremendously, so it served its purpose. There was a time that I didn't care if I had to take it for the rest of my life, because it helped so much. Well, that time has come and gone. I've been mentally and emotionally ready to stop the medication for some time, but not able to completely wean off of it. I was getting horrible headaches and having an increase in weird behavior, like pulling at my hair and eyelashes, biting the skin off my bottom lip, and clenching my teeth.

Out of complete desperation I starting running. Once I got a taste of how it made me feel, I was sold on the idea that it was good for me in so many ways. I still don't love running, but it's the feeling I have when I'm finished and getting a 'second wind' or 'runner's high' while I'm running that I love. Because of my consistency in running, I was able to trade my meds for these.

I'm amazed at how much better I feel physically and mentally when I am running consistently. I wish I could say that I lost all the weight I wanted to but that's not the case, however I am literally taking one step at a time and now I feel empowered to do much more. Yay me!

Typical

Ok , so I sat down to blog about the past month and a half and this is what is going on. (Just kind of typical of how we make plans and prepare. Then... life just kind of gets in the way.) Chandler is chasing Snickers around our yard, trying to get her to comply with taking a bath. This is not a normal Sunday activity, however, just before we were about to leave for church at about noon, we brought Snickers in from her morning galavant around the yard. She passed by me in the entry way and I about passed out. I thought maybe she had boofed, but no, she had dog doo all over her right ear and the right side of her body. Disgusting. So she stayed in the garage instead of her kennel area inside the house while we were gone to church. Now Chandler has the responsibility to get her all cleaned up and she is NOT at all happy about it. Not sure if Chandler or Snickers is more upset.

"Interested?"

"Interested?" That's what Craig Montierth asked me when we were in Carlsbad Beach, CA, oh my gosh, 22 years ago this summer. I thought he asked "Interesting?" and I answered in the affirmative. He then said, "So is he." I was floored, to say the least. He was asking me if I was interested in Bobby D. Then he told me that BOBBY WAS INTERESTED IN ME!!! I still find myself trying to figure that one out.

We just celebrated our 19th anniversary last week. THAT IS CRAZY! That's like such a long time, and man oh man so much has happened, and yet it doesn't seem possible that it has been that long.

He is the best husband to me and father to our kids that I ever, ever could have asked for. We decided a VERY long time ago, before we ever married, that we would not fight. We decided a long time ago that we would do our best to leave sarcasm out of our marriage. That was a little tough since sarcasm was a part of both of our upbringings.

He also promised me that he would never intentionally scare me. He's kept his promise. The only time or two he's ever scared me, it was a total and complete accident and he felt so bad for it. My dear dad had a fascination with scaring me and my mom and siblings while I was growing up and I was afraid Bobby might be the same way. He's not, thank goodness.

Early on in our marriage, when Bobby and I had a misunderstanding, rather than scream my head off at him (which I have never done ), I would clean. Clean like a mad woman. That's how Bobby knew we needed to talk. I've always been, and still am, afraid to hurt his feelings. I think he feels the same way. Not that it's a good idea to keep it all bottled up inside, that has it's ill effects too. I just have never wanted to hurt him.

When we were married and sealed in the temple, the sealer gave us some advice. One profound piece of advice he gave was to NEVER say anything hurtful to each other. He taught us that we can never take anything back that we've said. Words hurt like cuts in the skin. A cut will heal but may leave a scar. So will words . We may forgive the person, but the scar will always be there. We took that advice very seriously and have done our very best to live by that everyday.

We both feel so blessed to have 'found' each other at such young ages. Bobby was 18 and I was 16. I think for us, we grew up together in many ways and that worked to our advantage. But also, we made very conscious decisions to be kind and loving to each other very early in our relationship. To make each other our top priority. That's not easy all the time, especially when you have demanding, hungry, needy kids, jobs, church and civic duties. I consider us both to be very patient as well. Patience is a virtue, I hear. But also, patience is not something you ever master. It is a characteristic that we all have to constantly practice.

Bobby is my very best friend. I am so thankful for his love, patience and support. One of his qualities that I have always admired is the fact that he is so optimistic. He is and always has been so positive. This has been tried and tested over the last several years as we have faced adversity. He is a man of great integrity, one who honors his priesthood. I am extremely grateful for him.

I know that we are very blessed to have the relationship that we have. For many years I felt almost guilty that we have such a great relationship and wish that everyone had the same for themselves. I have been fortunate enough that my husband has chosen to treat me well in word and deed. I count my blessings everyday that he has made good choices and that he has remained faithful to me and the Gospel.

Bobby, I love you with all of my heart. I'm so sorry for the pain you have to endure everyday. Keep in mind, it's only this lifetime. You always make me feel so good about myself and because of you, I want to be the best person I can. Thank you for loving me.

A New ME

I have recently begun running. I tried several times in the past to fall in love with it, or even just tolerate it, with no success.

Bobby loves to run, and just before he got sick (Sept. '07) he started running again on a regular basis. When he got sick, he couldn't exercise for many months. Now that he can exercise again, he does not have the ability or stamina to start where he left off, not even remotely close to where he left off. So little by little, he is working his way to where he can hopefully run again.

Having the emotional, financial and physical struggles we've been enduring for the past year and a half, I, at times have been so desperate for relief. I feel I've done, we've done, all that we can up to this point to improve our situation and catch up financially. At times I have just wanted to run away. Get away from it all.

Bobby had his back surgery in February '03. By August, I was a complete mess. I was depressed and had major anxiety. I held up very well until he was almost all better. We knew his retirement was a short time away and I began to really be afraid of what our future held and what we were going to do. Could we stay in California? I hated the thought of moving away. Would Bobby ever find employment that was as satisfying to him as law enforcement was? He was not happy about having to retire. It tore him up. It tore me up.

Bobby's uncle was dying and my Granny Goose had just died. Going back to Arkansas with my mom, her sister and my cousin was a quick and exhausting trip. Emotionally draining and just... sad. I learned more about my grandfather, who I never really knew, and did not like anything I heard.

So, only because I was pushed into going to my doctor and had Bobby in the room with me, I came clean. I admitted to my doctor that I was a mess. I prayed so hard for days before my appointment that he would be guided as to how to help me through this. I had a witness in the doctor's office that he, my doctor, was inspired and I knew without a doubt that what he was prescribing me was exactly what I needed.

Five days after starting this new prescription, I suddenly found myself playing frisbee on our front lawn with my kids. Seriously. It was a huge realization that I was starting to feel better. The medication I was taking helped me so much to act and feel like myself again. I was smiling again. I could take deep breaths again without feeling like I was suffocating. I slept better. I was a happier mom and wife. I was no longer completely consumed with fear and desperation. The meds helped me so much that I DID NOT CARE if I had to take them for the rest of my life.

There were, of course, some weird and annoying side effects, like sweating a lot, like in the creases of my arms. Weird. And I gained about 10 pounds. That sucked. But, the benefits far outweighed the inconveniences.

So, I have tried a few times over the last 4 years, unsuccessfully, to wean myself off of the medication. I ended up on the lowest dose every other day and had excruciating headaches every day. I resigned myself to the fact that I may just need to take this med for the rest of my life.

So back to my running. As I mentioned earlier, with all that we have and are continuing to go through, especially the financial crap, I have just more than ever wanted to blow off some steam.

I finally took the advice of my good doctor, (different than the one before since he is in California and I no longer live there) and I started running. My doctor here is a HUGE advocate for exercise. He has made suggestions in the past and I had not heeded his counsel.

Finally, when one day I was so worried about finances and other family stresses, I felt like running. Crazy, but kind of like Forest Gump. I just wanted to RUN. I knew I couldn't run away from my problems, but just maybe I could run my problems away, at least to the point where I could handle the stress a little better. And guess what? I felt SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better inside!

We, through an awesome friend, found a used treadmill and bought it at a second hand store for $35 just before Christmas. It's a nice one too. So I was able to run downstairs and not have to abandon my kids.

Since I began running, I have set a goal for myself to run in our city's Pioneer Day 10K at the end of July. What has gotten in to me? I'm not quite sure, but I like it... a lot! I am up to 3 miles at a time. I have two months to get my rear in gear and get up to 6.4 miles for the 10K.

Today on my run, about half way through, I repeated in my head the words... "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful!" Trying to convince myself that I really would feel good, great and wonderful. Not just in my head, but my body as well. It hurts, but in a great way. I don't feel so much like I'm going to hyperventilate or die, like I have in the past. I am so proud of myself. I never, ever thought I could run... and survive. But I am. And I am a better person for it.

It's still March, but Spring is here!

I'm really going to make a better effort at blogging more. I have this idea in my head that I need to put pics up each time I blog, and that is just not going to happen. So... for the sake of not letting too much time pass between blogs, I'm letting myself off the hook of posting pics each time I post. I love reading blogs from friends, some family and even people I've never met and I have a lot to say too, so beware! (hee hee hee!)

Chan Man is 15!

Chandler on his blessing day - 1 month old

Disneyland 2004

Christopher - 3yrs & Chandler - abt 9 months

Chandler at about 1 year old

Channy 1 yr old

3 yrs old in our backyard in Whittier, CA

Carlsbad Beach 1997

Savannah - 9yrs, Chandler - 3 yrs, Christopher - 5 yrs

Such a ham!!! - 4 yrs old

Chandler - Kindergarten

Yosemite 2004 - Chan 10 yrs old here, constantly cracks us up!

His personality is so much like Ryan

Chandler -14 yrs old


Chan and Danielle - March '09

Chandler - 15, Danielle 3

Chandler turned 15 last week! Woot Woot! He is playing Lacrosse now and loving it. They've had their first few games, and continue to have two a week. Chris is also playing.

Chan playing lacrosse - March '09

So I can't really believe Chan is 15. He'll be getting his learner's permit soon. Here, in Utah a 15 year old can have his or her permit. I think it's a great way to learn and prepare for their license at 16.

Chandler is such a great kid, he is so full of life and BS at times too :)

Happy Birthday Chan! We love you so much!

Oh my, a whole month again! Things are soo much better, I am happy to report!
Bobby had his 40th birthday on the 9th. Haley and a friend of hers decorated the front room and entryway. So cute! We had homemade mexican food and german chocolate cake for Bobby's birthday dinner and dessert. Then, we joined some friends at our local church building for a family home evening lesson and dessert. Games too :)

I'll add a couple of pics soon.

Bobby is feeling GREAT these days! He has had a particularly good week and is feeling so much better than this time last month. Whew!

Our kids are awesome, and Spring is just around the corner... Yay!!!

Have a super March! And happy birthday to Dr. Seuss today!

Chandler will be 15 on the 18th!

Just a quick post

I keep thinking I'll post about Bobby's health challenges over the past few years, but every time I think about it, I just don't want to go there emotionally. Someday, just not now. It's hard enough sometimes just dealing with the present.

He was diagnosed and began treatment for systemic lupus last spring. Some days it's just horrible for him. He hasn't felt like himself in so long. I hate it and so does he. Today he is completely miserable. He has been nauseated for 4 days now, his head hurts, his joints hurt (hips, wrists, knees, back, ankles, you name it). His hands and feet are swollen, he just hurts.

He missed work Thursday, Friday and today because of it all. He fakes feeling well most of the time. In addition to the lupus, he suffers with migraine headaches, several a month. He also has had a lot of trouble with kidney stones. He was in pain with one just this weekend.

He has a great attitude and so do I... most of the time. Then there are those dark moments that creep in and make us wonder, "Will this EVER get any better?" At least we know that it will only last in this lifetime. I'd like to believe he is being tried and tested so he may someday be able to help someone else who is suffering as he is now. We have a lot of faith, but it is being tested.

We have awesome friends and family who remember us in their prayers, offer words of encouragement and serve us beyond belief. Thank you to all of you for your love and support.

Thanks for listening... this too shall pass.

Granny Goose

Granny Goose and MaryAnn 1984

Granny Goose would have been 90 years old today. I miss her. She's been gone for 5 years now and we thought she'd live forever. She endured so much in her lifetime and was ornery because of it, rightfully so I might add. Her name is Mary Ruth Flowers Ford.

She and her twin sister were born to a man and wife who had five other children. Shortly after their birth their mother passed away. We believe their father wanted to keep the girls but could not and so he gave them to a convent to be raised by nuns. There my grandma lived until she was about 15 years old. She was treated well by the sisters in the convent, but didn't ever have the loving guidance and care of parents in her life.

Granny Goose, MaryAnn

Michele & Stephanie

June 1990

Granny Goose & Stephanie

June 1990

She met and married my grandfather Jessie Lloyd Ford at a very young age, 15 or 16 years old. Together they had three children, Helen, Richard, and MaryAnn (my mother).
Jessie was a hard worker and a good provider. He was an alcoholic and wasn't very kind. Once my grandma had the nerve to stand on her own, she left. By this time all three of the children were adults and out of the home. Jessie passed away in the early 1970's.

Granny Goose led a happy life. I remember her being so optimistic and fun to be around. If she was cooking in the kitchen, then you'd either be helping or you'd better stay out of her way.
She had a lot of friends and they loved her dearly. As a kid, we'd visit her almost every Thanksgiving on her ranch near Santa Margarita, California (near San Luis Obispo). She'd always have another couple of friends over also.

Granny Goose

1984

Granny Goose was an excellent bowler and had many, trophies from her glory days. She developed strong friendships through her associations at North American Rockwell where she worked and retired from. Granny Goose was given this nickname once she began her life after moving 'up north' from Bell Gardens, Ca.

She had dozens of chickens, geese, ducks, peacocks, and other birds. She had donkeys, horses and cows over the years as well, sometimes they belonged to other people, but she is the one who cared for them. She had dogs and cats over the years too. Poor Ripper was killed after being bit by a rattlesnake, he was an okay dog. Our favorite dog of hers was Brownie. He'd come in where we were sleeping and lick us until we were awake :)

Granny Goose

Brownie and Chicken coop in back

1984

Grandma never knew of the finer things in life that only money can buy. She lived in very humble circumstances as long as I could remember. She didn't have carpeting or new furniture or other comforts we see as necessities. She loved her family, her pets, her friends, her soaps and her coffee. She smoked non-filter Camel cigarettes for the longest time. She decided in her late 70's that cigarettes were just too expensive so she quit. Just like that.

Grandma moved to the boondocks of Arkansas, near Leslie, in the 1980's where she and my Uncle Richard lived and owned about 40 acres of land. They loved it there and that is where she lived until August of 2003 when she passed away. She had been out feeding her chickens, and must have missed a step on her way back in to the house. She fell and broke her hip. Once my Uncle Richard found her and helped her up, they soon realized something was terribly wrong because she couldn't put any weight on her leg at all. She was at this point very small, maybe weighing 90-95 lbs.

Uncle Richard put her in the car and they began the journey. An extremely bumpy and long ride to the main roads and eventually the hospital. She was able to talk to her daughters but then Grandma passed away shortly following surgery. We believe her heart just gave out.

My mom and I joined my Aunt Helen and cousin Wendy in Phoenix and then flew on to Little Rock. We then drove the rest of the way. This was an all day event. Once at my grandma's, my mom and I stayed overnight and visited with my Uncle Richard who, of course, was heart broken. We spent our time there visiting, touring her beautiful land and going through pictures and other keepsakes. Granny Goose was buried about a week later at Rose Hills Mortuary in Whittier, California.

We know she is in a much better place now as we all await the second coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We're grateful she is out of her earthly pain and trust that she is accepting the Gospel of Jesus Christ being taught to her as she awaits the Resurrection.

Mother and Daughter

1984